Full Court Press - New Year's Resolutions

Week 9 Power Rankings - Yeah, I don't know either. It's tough to find a good picture every week. Let's move on. A new decade is upon us, so let’s forget old acquaintance, pull down those stockings and Christmas trees, and start making our resolutions for the New Year, Power Ranking style!

With the New Year comes a fresh start to all—except, of course, basketball teams, who are already locked into the standings nearing the midway point. Despite that, it’s a time for rebirth, renewal, and second chances. With that in mind, let’s take a look at each EHBA team’s resolutions for 2010.

Tokyo – Resolves to…Get a point guard. While the Vegans have been flying high all year, they have a glaring weakness in the backcourt. Joe Johnson has done a decent job of filling in for the injured Jose Calderon, but the fact of the matter is that he is not a point guard. Lack of assists and steals are killing the Vegans statistically, and it could be a major problem in the playoffs if it isn’t addressed by the trading deadline. You simply can’t punt categories in the postseason.

Las Vegas – Resolves to…Keep the good times rolling. Las Vegas has been a surprisingly dominant team this year after missing the playoffs last year. They did a great job stockpiling draft picks and quality players at the deadline last year and are now enjoying the fruits of their labor. With two first round picks to play with around the trading deadline and no glaring weaknesses, Vegas is in good position to keep it up in 2010.

Montreal – Resolves to…Win 4 more games in a row. The DeathPiggys looked down for the count after a devastating 7-1 loss to Colorado in Week 4. Since then, however, they’ve rolled off 5 wins in a row and are only 3 away from tying their own record for consecutive unbeaten weeks. It won’t be easy, though, as they’ll have to get past resurgent Rakeville and Las Vegas in consecutive weeks to tie the record, but with only one loss all season, the Piggys look primed to give it a go.

Colorado – Resolves to…Balance out their team. They’ve ridden some dominant guard play to 4th place so far, but the Bears have a glaring weakness in the form of a post presence. The addition of a rejuvenated Zack Randolph has helped the issue, but the fact remains that the Bears don’t really have a legitimate center on their roster. That’ll have to change if they’re going to keep up the pace in the playoffs.

South Carolina – Resolves to…Update their roster every day. Twice this season the Rebels coach has inexplicably benched all of his players for an entire day in a losing effort. Statistically the team is in 9th place, yet they’re a top 5 squad in the standings. Imagine how much better they’d be without the brain farts.

Tijuana – Resolves to…Be more grateful. The Matadors have done a great job climbing out of their early season hole, thanks to strong post play from Chris Bosh and a shot in the arm provided by Baron Davis. That hasn’t stopped GM Saul Smith from shopping Bosh behind the scenes or taking public shots at his PG for not getting more assists after a 13 dime performance in a winning effort. Smith was angry that his team didn’t beat the upstart Crows by even more, and seemed to forget that without Davis’s 13 dishes, they wouldn’t have been close in assists to begin with. How about showing a little more gratitude for the guy who has saved your season?

Weymouth – Resolves to…Stop being a one-man show. LeBron’s heroics led to Weymouth’s being the surprise team of much of the first half of the season, but since then his teammates have fallen off a cliff. While Bron Bron continues to put up near trip-dubs every night, his supporting cast has done nothing as Weymouth has free-fallen all the way to 7th place after being in first much of the season. The standings are no fluke, either, as Weymouth is as bad on paper as they are in reality. Statistically, they are worse than 10th place Fitchburg. They need to do something to stop the bleeding—and fast.

Bridgewater – Resolves to…Ride the Kobe horse until he drops. The league’s other one man show has a better supporting cast, but poorer results so far. Kobe Bryant has been insane so far this year, but his running mates—most notably Andre Miller and David West—have not been up to the challenge as of yet. They’re hoping that changes in time to make the playoffs.

Rakeville – Resolves to…Make the playoffs. After a brutal start caused by multiple injuries, the Crows are flying high once again. Provided they can keep their roster on the floor, the Crows believe the playoffs are a lock if they keep up their effort, an amazing turnaround given their atrocious start. The only question is of whose expense that spot will come?

Fitchburg – Resolves to…Hit some free throws. A talented roster has badly underachieved so far this year thanks to sloppy fundamentals. The Foo continue to dominate the post, but are getting killed by lack of 3 pointers, missed free throws, and turnovers. They desperately need to find some balance, or they risk being in the unfortunate position of being too good for a high draft pick, but not good enough for the playoffs.

Dublin – Resolves to…Get healthy. Injuries continue to be the story in Dublin, overshadowing even the breakout of Brandon Jennings. Things have gotten so bad that they risk dropping below even Peoria in the standings if they can’t put a full team on the floor most nights.

Peoria – Resolves to…Draft John Wall. Even with PG being their deepest position, with Derrick Rose, Deron Williams, Ty Lawson, and Jonny Flynn, the Bricklayers are honed in on the #1 pick in next year’s draft, and can’t afford to butcher it next year like they did this year. Expect a young PG firesale in Peoria’s near future.
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Power Rankings:

1. Montreal (-) – They just keep winning…

2. Tokyo (+1) – Destroyed the Brawlers, but at this point a rec-league team could give Dublin a run for their money.

3. Colorado (+2) – They’re not this good statistically, but it’s time to give props to a team that keeps on winning, even if it’s latest victim was Peoria.

4. Las Vegas (-2) – That was a historically bad week.

5. Tijuana (+1) – Another win over a quality opponent. The Matadors are officially back.

6. South Carolina (+3) – Okay, I get it. After I drop them following a big win over a crappy opponent, they do the same thing a good team. My bad. Can we still be friends?

7. Rakeville (-1) – Loss to Tijuana a definite bump in the road; things only get worse with Colorado and Montreal up in consecutive weeks. Can they keep the comeback going?

8. Weymouth (-4) – Boy, when they lose they sure do it in a spectacular way, don’t they? Losses of 8-1 and 7-2 marring what they were hoping was a breakout year.

9. Fitchburg (+1) – Win over Vegas is great. Can they keep it going though?

10. Bridgewater (-2) - That winning streak suddenly seems like a long time ago.

11. Dublin (-) – Sure, they’re injured, but they had at least been playing hard—until last week. Have they quit on their coach?

12. Peoria (-) – I’ll let GM Dave Grubb do the write-up on this one: “The reason we suck: I feel like we're having a pretty good week, yet we're down 7-2.” You hit the nail on the head, Grubb. Now fix it.
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League Notes:
-Word out of Canada is that GM Jackie Moon would love to move PG Mike Bibby. When asked why, he said, “Because he’s a dummy, that’s why! Get out of my office!”

-Foo Fighter GM Pete Brown has come under fire for not giving decent (or any) counter offers in trade negotiations. The problem seems to stem from other owners angry about not being able to rip him off.

-Colorado recently acquired free agent forward Yi Jianlian, a surprising development given their GM’s noted hatred of all things Asian.

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Merry Fuckin' Christmas!

Week 8 Power Rankings - Ho, Ho, Ho. It’s the Christmas power rankings, bitches!

Christmas is a time of joy, goodwill towards men, and altogether happiness. So for the special Christmas edition of the EHBA Power Rankings, we leave the snark at the door and take a look at what each EHBA team hopes to find under it’s tree this year.

Las Vegas – Danny Granger. The Lizards are hoping their star player can make it back after the Holidays to once again team up with Chris Paul to give Vegas the devastating 1-2 punch that has led them to the top of the standings.

Montreal – A Roy Hibbert break out. The DeathPiggys’ talented young center has shown flashes of brilliance this year, but has been inconsistent. Montreal hopes their young giant can work through the growing pains in a similar fashion to their breakout center from last year, Brook Lopez, who’s been a lone bright spot in a tough first half of the season for Rakeville.

Tokyo – Continued good health. Although point guard Jose Calderon is nicked up, the Vegans have been largely healthy this year and it’s brought good results. After devastating injuries to twin towers Al Jefferson and Amar’e Stoudemire derailed Tokyo’s championship hopes last year, if they can keep the team in one piece they could finish what they started in the new year.

Weymouth – A Scottie Pippen to LeBron’s Jordan. Led by King James, Weymouth was a one man wrecking crew to start the season, but now that LeBron’s teammates have cooled off (most notably Andrew Bynum), Weymouth is struggling to keep their foot on the gas. Armed with a package of interesting breakouts though (Chris Douglas-Roberts, Jason Thompson), Weymouth is looking to find a Robin to LeBron’s Batman. That would be the best gift the island fans could hope for.

Colorado – A legit center. Although they improved their rebounding greatly with the addition of Zach Randolph, the Bears still don’t have a true center and it’s killing them in FG %, blocks, and rebounds.

Tijuana – Peoria every week. After a tough loss to Bridgewater threw off their momentum, Tijuana roared back with a huge win over the hapless Bricklayers. If only they could get Peoria every week, they’d be guaranteed a playoff spot.

South Carolina – A low-post presence not named Dwight Howard. Howard has been a beast again this year, but he’s still only one man. South Carolina is relying on him to carry the team in blocks and boards, and even with his superhuman efforts, it hasn’t quite been enough so far.

Bridgewater – A half a game. That’s all that separates the Phenoms from the playoffs at this moment, an amazing accomplishment considering their early season struggles. With Kobe Bryant at the top of his game, they remain a dangerous team.

Rakeville – Coal. The Crows Christmas came a little early this year when their team finally got healthy after injuries decimated them to start the year. Since they’re healthy and rolling (tied with Montreal for longest current winning streak), might as well get something to keep the fires roaring.

Fitchburg – A quality shooting guard. Fitchburg is in desperate need of balance. They are killing the rest of the league in FG%, Blocks, Rebounds, etc., but are getting ripped apart weekly on FT%, Pts, & 3 pointers. They need someone to share the backcourt burden with Dwyane Wade.

Dublin – Health. 5 Brawlers are injured, with two of them gone for the whole season. Even though they weren’t going anywhere this year, it’s still tough to see a promising young team devastated with injuries like this.

Peoria – Peace on Earth. This team is a mess. Might as well ask for something that can benefit the greater good.
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Power Rankings:
1. Montreal (+2) – Have won 7 of 8 this year, including victories over Tokyo, Weymouth, and Las Vegas. Not the sexiest team in the league, but keep getting it done.
2. Las Vegas (-) – Good quality win over Weymouth, especially without Granger.
3. Tokyo (-2) – Loss to Montreal nothing to get up in arms about, but definite chinks in the armor.
4. Weymouth (-) – Loss to Vegas a bummer, but still solid. LeBron can’t do it alone, though.
5. Colorado (-) – Another boring, efficient win.
6. Rakeville (-) – Would have liked to see a bigger win, but Fitchburg is better than their record indicates.
7. Tijuana (+2) – Blowout win over hapless Peoria gets them back on track.
8. Bridgewater (-1) – Hard-fought loss to Colorado derails the league’s hottest team.
9. South Carolina (-1) – Hate to drop a team after a win, but Dublin is awful and Tijuana just had a better week.
10. Fitchburg (-) – Something’s gotta give, or they’ll just keep losing 5-4 every week.
11. Dublin (-) – Even with multiple injuries, team keeps playing hard.
12. Peoria (-) – On the bright side, I hear Yao Ming is up and walking again. That’s a really good sign.
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League Notes:
-After their fourth straight win put them into 9th place, Rakeville GM Jack Reed literally said, “I can’t believe how bad my team was to start the season.” In all fairness, it was pretty incredible.

-After being traded to Weymouth after a week in Montreal, Diver Center Ben Wallace was reportedly ecstatic. It seems Wallace is an avid ice-fisherman in the offseason, and can’t wait to be able to ice-fish year round.

-After the latest injury to his team, Dublin GM Brad Bodell was seen kicking himself for accepting the cursed tiki idol along with Blake Griffin and Greg Oden in his pre-season trade with Colorado.

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Full Court Press - The Best Team in the EHBA

Week 7 Power Rankings - Well, not quite, but the revival is in full swing in Rakeville, as a healthy Crow squad is making waves in across the league.

Two months ago, Dr. Stanley van Breda Kolpf was a busy man. With five patients to attend to, the Rakeville doctor was dealing with an epidemic. Considering that the total population of Rakeville is 17, the influx of Crows to the ER had left van Breda Kolpf with nearly 30% of the town’s residents in need of urgent care. From broken wrists (Kevin Love), to sprained groins and fingers (Devin Harris), to addiction to steroids (Rashard Lewis), the Core of the Crows lineup was a mess, and it led to a pretty ugly start to the season.

Now, though, the team has a clean bill of health and is bulldozing their way through some of the best teams in the league. Only a few weeks ago, things looked incredibly bleak, as Rakeville found themselves in the bottom of the league in nearly every category en route to getting blasted by opponents every week, from the league’s top (Tokyo), middle (South Carolina, Bridgewater), and bottom (Dublin). Just as the squad was at its lowest point, hapless Peoria came to town, only a week removed from their greatest triumph of the season (a 4-4 tie against a bottom third of the standings Bridgewater team) looking to make a splash in beating up on poor, broken Rakeville. But a funny thing happened on the way to the basement. The Crows got healthy.

After dismantling Peoria, critics were unimpressed. Sure, they were able to slip by Peoria, but Peoria is maybe the one team in the league who is crappier then Rakeville. Then they beat Weymouth, who had been dominating the league early in the season. Critics remained unimpressed. Sure, they beat Weymouth, but Weymouth was coming off an 8-1 rout at the hands of Montreal. They were clearly overrated and due to come back down to Earth. Then Rakeville went out and beat Las Vegas last week, and critics have to begrudgingly hand it to them—the kids in Rakeville can play ball when they’re at full strength. Sure, they may be full of floppy haired grandpas (Steve Nash), goofy assholes who everyone on the team secretly hates but put up with because they average a double double (looking at you, Brook Lopez), cheaters (Lewis), crybabies (Harris), and goofy looking white guys (Kevin Love, Tyler Hansbrough, Andrew Bogut, Nash), but…I’m sorry I forgot what I was getting at. Let’s just finish this with a pun…something something Rakeville can crow about.
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Power Rankings:
1. Tokyo (+1) – More an indictment of Las Vegas’ performance last week than Tokyo’s dominance, but they’ll take it.
2. Las Vegas (-1) – Loss of Granger may be hurting the team more than they thought it would.
3. Montreal (-) – Need more scoring, but interior game got a big boost this week with the arrival of a resurgent Ben Wallace.
4. Weymouth (-) – As long as they keep beating the teams they should, they should stay up here.
5. Colorado (-) – Moral victory over tough Tokyo team, but still need more balance to squad.
6. Rakeville (+3) – Dangerous roster finally healthy and making noise.
7. Bridgewater (+1) – Quiet 4 game win streak longest active streak in the league.
8. South Carolina (-1) – Bad loss in a winnable game. Have yet to beat a team over .500.
9. Tijuana (-3) – Just when we think they’re back, they lay a stinkbomb against Bridgewater.
10. Fitchburg (-) – Dominate in FG%, Assists, and steals, but are worst in the league in FT% and 3 pointers. Need to find some balance if they want to save their season.
11. Dublin (-) – Injuries have destroyed what was already a lost season.
12. Peoria (-) – 5-4 loss represents serious progress!
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League Notes:

-After losing two of their last three games, Weymouth GM Nick Bruce put all of his crappiest/underachieving players up on the trading block. His plan, as always: trade one or two of them for a Top 10 player. No word yet on the negotiations.

-Las Vegas cut mercurial point guard Rafer Alston after Skip allegedly pulled a knife on a hamster in practice. Las Vegas takes animal cruelty very seriously.

-Brook Lopez is a tool.

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Full Court Press - Criminally Good

Week 6 Power Rankings

Don’t look now, but the defending champions are quietly beating their wives competition all the way back into the playoff picture after a rough start to their title defense.

Tijuana GM Saul Smith sat in his office high atop the Matador Cantina, the smoke and stench of his Philly Blunt cigar filling the office while he let the ash slowly burn near his fingertips. Seated in his tall, leather chair, back to the desk and the reporter sitting in front of it, he sat quietly for some time before addressing the voice on the other end of his speakerphone. “Make the deal,” he said quietly but firmly. Then he hung up. And with that, Smith set off the chain of events that would directly contribute to the rejuvenation of his team’s season.

Defending a title can be a tricky thing. Players get complacent, fan expectations rise dramatically, and everybody wants more. We saw this last year in Montreal when the DeathPiggys stormed out of the gate last year before falling victim to the title defense swoon. Although they were able to claw their way back to the title game, it wasn’t enough as a new, hungrier upstart was looking to make their mark.

The key to the DeathPiggys’ run to the title game last year was a late season trade with Las Vegas. Fed up with his team’s lack of toughness on the boards and poor shooting percentages, Montreal GM Jackie Moon made a blockbuster deal for Pau Gasol, Tim Duncan, and Brandon Roy. The cost was steep, as Montreal lost two of their franchise cornerstones in Danny Granger and Al Horford, in addition to two valuable first round picks, but the trade had the intended effect on the team and jolted them out of their slump and built momentum for the playoffs.

Realizing his team needed a kick in the pants, Smith made a controversial trade with Peoria, sending team captain Deron Williams and last year’s playoff hero Troy Murphy packing, in exchange for enigmatic point guard Baron Davis, injury-prone forward Caron Butler, and breakout Center Channing Frye. Many around the league derided the trade when it happened, pointing out that Tijuana was trading away cornerstones of a championship team for a bunch of players who have never won anything. But Smith knew something had to give.

“You don’t really understand the situation until you see it firsthand,” Smith explains. “Those guys, Deron and Troy, they’re great players and the people of Mexico will always respect and appreciate what they gave us last year. That said…” Smith trails off, looking into the distance and taking a long, appreciative puff of his delicious cherry-flavored Philly. “With that said, some people around the team just didn’t think they were giving it their all out there. We can’t have that. We’re trying to build a dynasty, not be just some one and done paper champion. We’re in this for the long haul. And if everyone isn’t committed to that common goal, then we’re not afraid to bring in people who will be. My dad taught me that,” Smith says, gesturing to a picture of his father, college coach Tubby Smith, on his desk.

Smith is no stranger to making waves in the trade market. After a sluggish start last year, Smith acquired point guard Jason Kidd, who helped turned the team’s season around. He then made a series of deals that ended up with Murphy, who was a key contributor in getting the team over the top for a title. Since his controversial move this year, the Matadors have ripped off three wins in a row, including a big 6-3 victory over then-first place Tokyo. While no one was looking, Tijuana has worked their way only a half game out of the final playoff spot with plenty of games left to go. While it’s never easy to repeat, Saul Smith has shown that he won’t let his team go down without a fight.

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Power Rankings:
1. Las Vegas (+1) – Light upcoming schedule could ensure that they don’t give this spot up anytime soon, despite injury to Granger.
2. Tokyo (-1) – Dominating in some areas, but problems (TOs, FG%, Assists) starting to loom larger.
3. Montreal (-) – Always nice to get a win on a subpar week.
4. Weymouth (-) – Back-to-back losses means the honeymoon is over on the island of Weymouth.
5. Colorado (-) – Solid win over Colorado East. True test comes this week against Tokyo.
6. Tijuana (+1) – Huge win over Tokyo shows the champs aren’t down for the count yet.
7. South Carolina (-1) – Easy portion of the 1st half sked is over. Their first tests against contenders haven’t gone well.
8. Bridgewater (+1) – Have quietly ripped off 3 in a row. Two hottest teams square off against each other this week in Tijuana.
9. Rakeville (+2) – Getting healthy, getting better results.
10. Fitchburg (-) – Statistically still strong, but they’ll need to show something against Peoria and Rakeville these next two weeks to save their season.
11. Dublin (-3) – Injuries are killing the youngsters.
12. Peoria (-) – Another week, another blowout loss. Look to break their own (shared) record for longest winless streak this week against Fitchburg, as Fitchburg tries to remove their name from the ignominious record.

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League Notes:
-Las Vegas forward Danny Granger is expected to miss at least a month with a heel injury. He incurred the injury while playing hop-scotch with team GM and renowned hopscotch enthusiast Charles Barkley.

-Dublin Center Greg Oden broke the patella on his left knee and will miss the rest of the season. Oden is the second player to injure a knee after a pre-season trade with noted injury enthusiasts Colorado. Bears GM Mike Comtois could be heard laughing all the way from Hawaii, where he is “working,” the lucky bastard.

-Rakeville has won two games in a row. After ripping on them all season, I’m contractually obligated to congratulate them on this feat. Does that count? I think that counts.

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Full Court Press - Down in the Dumps

Week 5 Power Rankings

LeBron James and company had a lot to be thankful for the first 3 weeks of the season as they feasted on the dregs of the league. That all came crashing down in a week 5 dismantling at the hands of resurgent Montreal. Fortunately, they can give thanks for a giant turkey coming to town next, as they look to re-establish themselves among the league’s elite. Is that enough Thanksgiving wordplay for you?

The holiday season is upon us, and it certainly brought a cornucopia of mixed blessings throughout the league. While teams like Peoria, Fitchburg, and Weymouth may be feeling down in the dumps, let’s take a moment to celebrate the season (and rip off our sister publication, the ‘Gridiron Gazette’) and take a look at what each team around the league has to be thankful for.

Tokyo is thankful for…
The Montreal DeathPiggys. After trading down in the inaugural EHBA draft with the DeathPiggys netted them two low-post studs that have been the cornerstone of the franchise’s foundation in Amar’e Stoudemire and Al Jefferson, the DeathPiggys proved to be the gift that keeps on giving, as their demolition of Weymouth in Week 5 paved the way for Tokyo to take sole possession of first place. Don’t look for them to give it up anytime soon.

Las Vegas is thankful for…
Obama’s proposed healthcare plan. With Chris Paul severely banged up, and Ben Gordon, Danny Granger, and Shawn Marion all spending time in the trainer’s room with him at some point, the Lizards could use some help paying their medical bills and getting a healthy, contending team back on the floor after an embarrassing loss to Bridgewater.

Weymouth is thankful for…
The 2009 EHBA schedule makers. The Dumpster Divers have the league’s softest schedule this season, as they get to load up on early season games against the likes of Peoria and Rakeville, but only have to play league juggernaut Tokyo once all season, in week 11. That could be the difference between a tough first round matchup and a bye.

Montreal is thankful for…
The waiver wire. After a brutal week against Colorado, Montreal called on reinforcements in recent signees Nate Robinson and Al Thornton, who both had a huge hand in the blowout win over Weymouth. If they keep up this level of play, they’ll find themselves applying for Canadian citizenship.

South Carolina is thankful for…
The Colorado-SC express. They can thank the Bears for their category victories in points, FG%, and 3 pointers last week and each week from now on. Their team leaders in those categories are all late of the Bears.

Colorado is thankful for…
The numbers 5 and 4. 4 of their 5 games this season have ended in a final score of 5-4. It’s like a bad Jim Carrey movie this season in Colorado.

Bridgewater is thankful for…
A chance. Statistically the Phenoms are still one of the worst teams in the league, yet somehow they are hanging around in the playoff chase. If they can continue to hover around the playoffs, they have a shot at righting the ship just in time to make noise in the postseason.

Tijuana is thankful for…
The 2008-2009 EHBA championship. Looking at their roster, it’s hard to believe this team was the best in the land only a year ago. They got old in a hurry, but nothing can take the magic of last season away from them. Who knows if they can get it back?

Fitchburg is thankful for…
Their dynamite duos. Without Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo keeping them afloat in the backcourt and Joakim Noah and Carlos Boozer keeping them going upfront, it’s downright scary to imagine how bad this former playoff contender could be. They suddenly find themselves 4.5 games back of the playoffs and falling fast.

Dublin is thankful for…
The future. This season might be rough for the Brawlers, but beyond that they will be a force to be reckoned with. With the shocking breakouts of Marc Gasol and Brandon Jennings, and the continued maturation of Greg Oden, Stephen Curry, to say nothing of Blake Griffin, Dublin should invest in some nice sunglasses. (Because the future is so bright? Get it?)

Rakeville is thankful for…
A solid win. Last week’s 7-2 victory really lifted the spirits of the town of Rakeville. The Crows should savor the taste of victory, because with Weymouth and Las Vegas next on the docket, it might be awhile before they get to again.

Peoria is thankful for…
Geez, I don’t know. The weather? Is Peoria a nice place to live? Low crime rates, maybe? I hope there is something about that town that’s good, because there’s nothing to be thankful for on the court. A blowout loss to Rakeville is about as low as you can go this year. Sadly, it’s only going to get worse with Las Vegas up next. Deron Williams is looking good in red though, I guess.

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Power Rankings:
1. Tokyo (+2) – Continue to take care of business.
2. Las Vegas (-) – Close loss to Bridgewater is embarrassing, but just a stumbling block.
3. Montreal (+4) – Blowout victory over Weymouth shows there is still life in the aging squad.
4. Weymouth (-3) – Embarrassing loss in every way. Were the first 3 weeks a fluke?
5. Colorado (-1) – After a huge win over Montreal, 5-4 over Dublin is a letdown.
6. South Carolina (-1) – Coach needs to stop with the DNP-CDs for no reason; it’s really affecting the team on the court and off.
7. Tijuana (+1) – Slowly but surely climbing their way out of an early season hole.
8. Dublin (+1) – Youth is always dangerous. Could lose or win against any opponent on any night.
9. Bridgewater (+1) – Win over Vegas is impressive, but numbers still indicate this team is not for real.
10. Fitchburg (-4) – Have been quietly losing ground all season. Badly need a win this week.
11. Rakeville (+1) – Could the blowout win over the Bricklayers lay a foundation for continued success? (Get it? Come on, that’s a pretty good pun.)
12. Peoria (-1) – They’ve finally hit rock bottom. Don’t expect them to get up anytime soon. I think they may have broken a leg.
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League Notes:
-Drunken fans in Tokyo nearly rioted after their 6-3 win over Fitchburg. A spokesperson for the team said it’ll probably be the last time they do their ’10 yen sake night’ promotion.

-Apparently Chris Paul is such a strong influence on the rest of his Lizard teammates that once Shawn Marion, Danny Granger, and Ben Gordon saw how badass Paul looked hobbling around on his crutches, they each immediately intentionally hurt themselves so that they too could get a pair. Paul then threw his away, saying, “That trend is so over, man. Walking boots is where it’s at now,” before limping away in a walking cast.

-After making a brief return to action against Dublin, Bears guard Michael Redd then removed himself from the game for the foreseeable future, citing “hurt feelings,” after one of the Brawlers insulted his weirdly pointy head.

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