Merry Fuckin' Christmas!

Week 8 Power Rankings - Ho, Ho, Ho. It’s the Christmas power rankings, bitches!

Christmas is a time of joy, goodwill towards men, and altogether happiness. So for the special Christmas edition of the EHBA Power Rankings, we leave the snark at the door and take a look at what each EHBA team hopes to find under it’s tree this year.

Las Vegas – Danny Granger. The Lizards are hoping their star player can make it back after the Holidays to once again team up with Chris Paul to give Vegas the devastating 1-2 punch that has led them to the top of the standings.

Montreal – A Roy Hibbert break out. The DeathPiggys’ talented young center has shown flashes of brilliance this year, but has been inconsistent. Montreal hopes their young giant can work through the growing pains in a similar fashion to their breakout center from last year, Brook Lopez, who’s been a lone bright spot in a tough first half of the season for Rakeville.

Tokyo – Continued good health. Although point guard Jose Calderon is nicked up, the Vegans have been largely healthy this year and it’s brought good results. After devastating injuries to twin towers Al Jefferson and Amar’e Stoudemire derailed Tokyo’s championship hopes last year, if they can keep the team in one piece they could finish what they started in the new year.

Weymouth – A Scottie Pippen to LeBron’s Jordan. Led by King James, Weymouth was a one man wrecking crew to start the season, but now that LeBron’s teammates have cooled off (most notably Andrew Bynum), Weymouth is struggling to keep their foot on the gas. Armed with a package of interesting breakouts though (Chris Douglas-Roberts, Jason Thompson), Weymouth is looking to find a Robin to LeBron’s Batman. That would be the best gift the island fans could hope for.

Colorado – A legit center. Although they improved their rebounding greatly with the addition of Zach Randolph, the Bears still don’t have a true center and it’s killing them in FG %, blocks, and rebounds.

Tijuana – Peoria every week. After a tough loss to Bridgewater threw off their momentum, Tijuana roared back with a huge win over the hapless Bricklayers. If only they could get Peoria every week, they’d be guaranteed a playoff spot.

South Carolina – A low-post presence not named Dwight Howard. Howard has been a beast again this year, but he’s still only one man. South Carolina is relying on him to carry the team in blocks and boards, and even with his superhuman efforts, it hasn’t quite been enough so far.

Bridgewater – A half a game. That’s all that separates the Phenoms from the playoffs at this moment, an amazing accomplishment considering their early season struggles. With Kobe Bryant at the top of his game, they remain a dangerous team.

Rakeville – Coal. The Crows Christmas came a little early this year when their team finally got healthy after injuries decimated them to start the year. Since they’re healthy and rolling (tied with Montreal for longest current winning streak), might as well get something to keep the fires roaring.

Fitchburg – A quality shooting guard. Fitchburg is in desperate need of balance. They are killing the rest of the league in FG%, Blocks, Rebounds, etc., but are getting ripped apart weekly on FT%, Pts, & 3 pointers. They need someone to share the backcourt burden with Dwyane Wade.

Dublin – Health. 5 Brawlers are injured, with two of them gone for the whole season. Even though they weren’t going anywhere this year, it’s still tough to see a promising young team devastated with injuries like this.

Peoria – Peace on Earth. This team is a mess. Might as well ask for something that can benefit the greater good.
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Power Rankings:
1. Montreal (+2) – Have won 7 of 8 this year, including victories over Tokyo, Weymouth, and Las Vegas. Not the sexiest team in the league, but keep getting it done.
2. Las Vegas (-) – Good quality win over Weymouth, especially without Granger.
3. Tokyo (-2) – Loss to Montreal nothing to get up in arms about, but definite chinks in the armor.
4. Weymouth (-) – Loss to Vegas a bummer, but still solid. LeBron can’t do it alone, though.
5. Colorado (-) – Another boring, efficient win.
6. Rakeville (-) – Would have liked to see a bigger win, but Fitchburg is better than their record indicates.
7. Tijuana (+2) – Blowout win over hapless Peoria gets them back on track.
8. Bridgewater (-1) – Hard-fought loss to Colorado derails the league’s hottest team.
9. South Carolina (-1) – Hate to drop a team after a win, but Dublin is awful and Tijuana just had a better week.
10. Fitchburg (-) – Something’s gotta give, or they’ll just keep losing 5-4 every week.
11. Dublin (-) – Even with multiple injuries, team keeps playing hard.
12. Peoria (-) – On the bright side, I hear Yao Ming is up and walking again. That’s a really good sign.
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League Notes:
-After their fourth straight win put them into 9th place, Rakeville GM Jack Reed literally said, “I can’t believe how bad my team was to start the season.” In all fairness, it was pretty incredible.

-After being traded to Weymouth after a week in Montreal, Diver Center Ben Wallace was reportedly ecstatic. It seems Wallace is an avid ice-fisherman in the offseason, and can’t wait to be able to ice-fish year round.

-After the latest injury to his team, Dublin GM Brad Bodell was seen kicking himself for accepting the cursed tiki idol along with Blake Griffin and Greg Oden in his pre-season trade with Colorado.