Full Court Press Magazine: Week 1 Power Rankings

--MY TEAM SUCKS!



One week into the new season and one thing is certain: Rakeville sucks. Everything else is up for grabs.

Up is down, left is right, black is white, white is red—yes, things are that messed up in the EHBA. Three of last year’s playoff teams suffered losses to open the season, including defending champions Tijuana, who were destroyed by a resurgent Weymouth squad led by LeBron James. But how much can we read into one week? A lot. A team by team contender/pretender review and preview of the 2009-2010 EHBA season begins…


now!

1. Dublin Bar Brawlers – The rebuilding process is in full swing on the tiny island of Ireland, but you wouldn’t have known it by last week’s beatdown of the Rakeville Crows. Dublin dominated every facet of the game, save Assists, obliterating a team that it’s almost hard to believe was the runner-up less than 2 seasons ago. But dig a little deeper and you’ll see that it’s not so much Dublin being great as a matter of Rakeville being crappy. Leaguewide, Dublin really only excelled in percentages, and will find the growing pains the rest of the way to be a little more noticeable. They have a great young nucleus, with outstanding rookies Blake Griffin, Brandon Jennings, and Stephen Curry, but they have a long way to go before they can expect to compete with the powers of the rest of the league. PRETENDER

2. South Carolina Rebels – Much like the Micks across the pond, South Carolina’s win looked better in person than it did on paper. Having their way with a hapless Peoria squad may make it seem like the season will be all sunshine and lollipops, but a closer look at the stats show a team too reliant on one player. Dwight Howard had his way with the Yao-less Bricklayers, but his always outstanding FG%, Blocks, and Boards are mitigated by his always atrocious FT% and TOs. It might not have been enough to sink them against an abysmal Peoria team, but it’ll take more than Dwight Howard to hang with the rest of the league. PRETENDER

3. Weymouth Dumpsta Divers – An opening week thrashing of the defending champs speaks volumes about the improvement of this year’s rapidly maturing club from the island of Weymouth. With King James leading the way, Weymouth delivered a message to the rest of the league—Weymouth is ready to play with the big boys. CONTENDER

4. Tokyo Vegans – After a disappointing 4th place finish in the playoffs after dominating the league for most of the regular season, the Vegans were out for a little bit of revenge against the team that beat them in the 3rd place game. While it wasn’t as dominant as they were hoping, a win is a win, and Tokyo cemented that they will once again be a force to be reckoned with. The addition of savvy draft choices of SF Danilo Gallinari and C Chris Kaman to an already strong lineup means that, health permitting, Tokyo could be even better this season—a scary thought for the rest of the league. CONTENDER

5. Fitchburg Foo Fighters – The Foo Fighters delivered a hard-fought Week 1 victory over a surprisingly strong Colorado squad that dominated most areas of the game, but just couldn’t pull out the win. Although you could argue that didn’t deserve to win against the resurgent Bears, they did just enough to pull it out, led by breakout star Rajon Rondo and his mind-boggling 47 assists. The 1-2 punch of Rondo and Wade gives Fitchburg one of the best backcourts in the league, but their lack of reliable low-post threat is a fatal flaw. They could sneak into the playoffs again on the strength of that backcourt, but the team is just not balanced enough to do any damage there. PRETENDER

6. Montreal DeathPiggys – The resilient Piggy squad was able to survive a surprisingly closely-contested week one battle with resurgent Las Vegas even without arguably their best player in Pau Gasol, who was out all week with a hamstring injury, but folks in Canada are still wringing their hooves over whether or not this year’s squad has what it takes to make it 3 straight Championship appearances. The Piggys boast a remarkably balanced but unspectacular attack, led by the versatile Brandon Roy. It’s tough to say how strong this year’s club will be until we see them at full strength, but at this point, it’s impossible to count them out. CONTENDER

7. Colorado Bears – The Golden Bears have perpetually been one of the league’s biggest disappointments. Year in and year out they’ve come into each season full of hope and bluster, and exited ignominiously in a haze of band-aids and sutures. The fact of the matter is, no one has ever had a good hold on exactly what sort of team Colorado has because they’ve never been healthy enough for us to find out. Could this finally be the year? Star PG Gilbert Arenas is healthy at last (knock on wood) and SF Carmelo Anthony is playing like a guy who just realized that he was somehow taken ahead of Dwyane Wade in the 2003 draft. The additions of Chauncey Billups and Rudy Gay add some much needed depth, but a serious deficiency in the big-man categories loom large over the Bears. Their guard play is the best in the league, but they may be fatally short on FG%, Blocks, Rebounds, and Turnovers. I’m tempted to give in to the siren song of alluring guard play, but at the end of the day, you need some height. PRETENDER

8. Bridgewater Phenoms – After a very strong finish last season, Bridgewater looked like a team poised to elevate itself to the elite of the EHBA. That said, windows to win are small in basketball, and you need to take advantage of them when you can. Last season’s semi-final matchup with Tijuana in the playoffs was a de-facto championship game, as both squads looked far superior to either banged-up clubs from Tokyo or Montreal. Although the game went literally to the wire, in the end Tijuana prevailed and the rest is championship history. A year later, and suddenly Bridgewater looks like a much different club. With Kobe Bryant getting older, Vince Carter getting more brittle and whiny by the day, Andre Miller suddenly terrible, and a suspect post-presence, Bridgewater needs to capitalize now or risk falling behind the rest of the league. For now, though, they’re still in this thing. CONTENDER

9. Las Vegas Lizards – With Chris Paul and Danny Granger, this team always has a chance. They’ll score points in bunches and knock down threes with reckless abandon, and their post game is surprisingly strong with the addition of Marcus Camby and continued maturation of Al Horford. Don’t let the opening week loss fool you—in many ways, Las Vegas played better than Montreal. They could surprise a lot of teams this year. CONTENDER

10. Peoria Bricklayers – Simply put, this is not a good team. They weren’t a good team last year, and the biggest change they’ve had since then was losing Yao Ming for the season to injury. Mismanagement in the front office has badly hurt the club, from trading superstar Jason Kidd for Stephen Jackson, only to ship him out months later for a 2nd rd. pick, to drafting injured journeyman Josh Howard 2nd overall in this year’s draft. Peoria is a club in disarray and things don’t look particularly bright for the future. PRETENDER

11. Tijuana Matadors – The defending champs had a rough week, running into a brick wall in Weymouth. But don’t let the fact that Weymouth would’ve beat just about any team in the league last week fool you—Tijuana played poorly. Their guard play was not up to par, and their big men just weren’t scoring the points they needed. New PG Ramon Sessions has been a major disappointment, and the breakout many were expecting from Tyrus Thomas definitely did not happen last week. If Jason Kidd and company can right the ship, we’ll look back on this week’s debacle and laugh. If they can’t, maybe we’ll realize that Tijuana rode some role players’ career years-- * cough*troymurphyandnenehilario*cough*-- all the way to a championship. Here’s betting they improve next week. CONTENDER

12. Rakeville Crows – Aside from a handful of players, Rakeville stinks. They don’t have much in the way of depth and management is too lackadaisical to make changes on the fly. They could be in big trouble this year. Look for a poorly handled fire sale at the deadline. PRETENDER

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Power Rankings (based on roto standings):

1. Weymouth (-)
2. Las Vegas (-)
3. Montreal (-)
4. Colorado(-)
5. Tokyo (-)
6. Fitchburg (-)
7. South Carolina (-)
8. Dublin (-)
9. Tijuana (-)
10. Bridgewater (-)
11. Peoria (-)
12. Rakeville (-)

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League Notes:

-After trading #1 overall pick Blake Griffin to Dublin last week, Colorado owner Mike Comtois was seen boarding a return flight from Ireland with a crowbar as his carry-on item. Griffin mysteriously went out with a severe knee injury the next day.

-After weeks of haggling, trade talks between Montreal and Weymouth regarding Tim Duncan appeared to die once the season began, reportedly because the Pony Express to the island of Weymouth doesn't deliver during the season, and Weymouth has no phones or computers, per decree of their King, His Majesty Nikolai Bruceus Minimus III.

-Rakeville GM Jack Reed was reportedly ecstatic after picking up Tyler Hansborough, Darko Milicic, and Andrew Bogut in the draft, not because they are good players (they all suck), but because they're all white. Reed is a well-known racist.