Full Court Press: The Battle of a Lifetime

Week 4 Power Rankings


Rakeville. Peoria. America. The matchup of the season takes place in week 4.

Two teams with very different histories in the EHBA will stage a battle for the hearts and minds of the disillusioned fans of two distinct cities. The matchup between the Rakeville Crows and Peoria Bricklayers represents more than just a meeting of the two worst teams in the league. It is more than just a battle for who will get to draft John Wall next year. It is more than the matchup of young (newly acquired Deron Williams) vs. old (EHBA mainstay Steve Nash). No, Rakeville vs. Peoria is deeper than that. It is a battle of wills, a test of strength unlike any carnival game. It is your mother baking warm apple pie on an autumn day. It is your father oiling up a new baseball mitt the night before a game of catch in the backyard. It is the cold, dead eyes of a loved one looking at you from a coffin. The final, sad cry of a beloved family pet being put to sleep. It is America. It is Iraq. Freedom and tyranny, good and evil, all at once. This matchup between Rakeville and Peoria transcends mere sport—this matchup is life itself.

While the Crows have a long history of success, the franchise has fallen on hard times this season. After finishing the inaugural EHBA season as championship game runner up, Rakeville took a step backwards in 2008, losing in the first round of the playoffs in a tightly contested battle to rivals Bridgewater. This year, despite a solid young nucleus led by center Brook Lopez and veteran PG Steve Nash, Rakeville has fallen even further, losing every game of the young season by blowout margins. Injuries to key players such as Eric Gordon and Kevin Love can take part of the blame, but the fact remains that the entire Rakeville team has underachieved.

Peoria, on the other hand, has never been a successful team in the EHBA. They have never finished a season higher than 10th place and have been known to make some less-than-shrewd management decisions in that time. However, last week’s blockbuster acquisition of star PG Deron Williams has raised Peoria’s national profile, and gotten fans excited again about Bricklayer basketball. Although they are in last place in the standings, statistically Peoria is actually a slightly better team than Rakeville. And this week, they’ll set out to prove it.

But why should we care about two moribund franchises matching up in an otherwise non-descript regular season week? After all, isn’t this pretty much the least compelling matchup in a pretty uncompelling week? To that, I can only say this: Fuck. You. Rakeville and Peoria represents everything around us, every day. The beauty in the mundane, the sadness in the exceptional. In a way, we are Rakeville, just as we are Peoria. Every day we wake up, take a shower, put on our work clothes, and head out the door to face new challenges. Sometimes we succeed. Often, we fail. But goddamnit, we try each and every day. We go to work to better ourselves, whether it’s to make money to put food on the table for our kids, or to afford that fancy new car to impress our sexy neighbor. Each day is a unique struggle to make things right. And that’s why Rakeville vs. Peoria matters. At a time when our nation’s morale is lowest, when the stock market is falling faster than Manu Ginobli’s trade value, when we are fighting two wars on two different fronts, and everything seems to be spinning out of control faster than our planet’s rotation can handle, we can look at the two worst teams in the league and see something magical. We can see them try. And sometimes, that’s all you can ask for.

No matter which team comes out on top this week, the winner will be clear—the fans.

And also Peoria. Rakeville sucks.

______________________________________________

Power Rankings:
1. Weymouth (+2) – While the other behemoths battle each other, they just keep on winning.
2. Las Vegas (-1) – 4-4 tie with Tokyo leaves many questions unanswered.
3. Tokyo (-1) – Couldn’t quite finish off the comeback in Vegas.
4. Colorado (+3) – Hard to argue with the smackdown they laid on Montreal. Trade already paying dividends.
5. South Carolina (+1) – Quality win over quality opponent. Defending champs up next.
6. Fitchburg (-1) – Statistically they are much better than this. Things don’t get any easier though, with Tokyo on deck.
7. Montreal (-3) – Ugly loss to Colorado has some questioning whether this team can really compete.
8. Tijuana (+2) – Risky trade could get them back into the playoff picture.
9. Dublin (-1) – Outcome always seems to be worse than the sum of its parts.
10. Bridgewater (-1) – Takes more than a win over Rakeville to move you up the power rankings.
11. Peoria (-) – Acquisition of Deron Williams gives fans hope for future.
12. Rakeville (-) – 7 losses in a row including postseason. Best chance to save face comes this week.
___________________________________________________

League Notes:

-Montreal GM Jackie Moon was so shaken up by the miserable loss to Colorado that he was considering playing for next year, until he realized he’d already traded away next year’s first round pick in a blockbuster deal with Las Vegas last year. “That is the last time I take trade advice from Isaiah Thomas!” Moon was heard shouting in his office.

-After being traded from Peoria to defending champion Tijuana, PG Baron Davis was heard exclaiming, “Finally! I get to play for a winner!” When told that Tijuana was only in 9th place even with their week 4 victory over Dublin, Baron sat down on a stool in his locker and was quiet for a few moments. Finally, he looked up with tears welling in his eyes and said, “Is it me? Am I just not a winner?” Reporters spent the next few minutes awkwardly trying to console Davis with half-hearted praise like, “awww, you’re…hey, you’re doing alright!” and “you know….things aren’t so bad.”

-After using their waiver priority on him, forward Mike Miller was cut by Montreal days later after suffering an undisclosed injury. When asked why they would use a waiver on him just to cut him shortly after, GM Jackie Moon responded, “I just wanted to kick that sissy’s ass. I couldn’t take any chances on missing out on that opportunity.” Miller is expected to be out up to a month. Also, he looks like a girl.

Read more!

Peoria Free Press - Bricklayers Acquire Deron Williams

Peoria Shakes Things Up
Deron Williams Brings A Winning Pedigree To Town

“We suck.” Those were the words muttered by PG Baron Davis following a Week 2 thrashing at the hands of Tokyo. Since the EHBA’s inception in 2007, the Peoria Bricklayers have never finished better than 10th place; posting a .417 winning percentage over this time. After the Peoria Cardinals success in the EHCC this season, losing is no longer considered acceptable. Peoria fans have gotten a taste of what it’s like to be relevant and have already begun calling for an overhaul with its struggling basketball franchise.

The sad thing about Baron’s quote, it was entirely accurate. Fortunate for Davis (as well as Caron Butler and Channing Frye) they have cashed in their bus tickets for the first ride out of Peoria. On Tuesday afternoon, Peoria and struggling Tijuana agreed to swap stars in an effort to jump start each underachieving franchise. As reigning EHBA Champion, Tijuana’s struggles have been a bit of a surprise early into this season. They find themselves in a much easier position to retool and reap the benefits immediately. Caron Butler should instantly provide points, rebounds and leadership to an already solid locker room. Baron Davis early on this season has proven himself to be completely healthy after an injury-plagued 2008. When fully healthy, Davis is capable of filling up the stat sheet every night with the possibilities of 20 points, 10 assists, 5 rebounds, and a few steals. Channing Frye has been a nice surprise thus far in ’09. The big man had excelled in Peoria’s up-tempo offense. While he may not provide the high rebounding numbers typical of a true C, Frye is good for 12-15 points a night with a high percentage and the ability to drain the 3.

Peoria on the other hand knew shortly after the blowout loss to Tokyo that change was imminent. After putting feelers throughout the league, the front office made no secrets that Baron and Caron would be dealt sooner rather than later. After a deal with Golden involving ‘Melo failed to finalize, there were several suitors for the services of both Peoria stars. After hearing ideas for a deal from several owners, GM Dave Grubb found his best trade partner to be 1998 NCAA Champion, Saul Smith, GM of the Tijuana Matadors. Grubb knew that a trade made this season would not be with the goal of making a mad dash for the playoffs this season, but to acquire a stud player worthy of off-season protection. A player to build around. No player fit this mold more than PG Deron Williams. Williams has been a winner at every stop. From leading Illinois to prominence in college, to winning gold as a member of the EHBA’s Team USA, to helping lead Tijuana to the title last season. Williams is exactly the man to help push Peoria’s basketball team into relevancy. (Peoria also picked up double-double candidate Troy Murphy and a 2nd round pick for next season).

Williams will join a Peoria squad with one of the youngest, and potentially one of the most explosive, back courts in all of the EHBA. With time, many experts believe the combination of Williams, Rose, Flynn, and Ty Lawson could put up some very big numbers, while offering very nice upside and depth.

There is no doubt that there will be more trades coming out of Peoria as we continue to cruise through the season. As Baron Davis pointed out, this team sucked and this was a trade that had to be made. Hopefully for Peoria fans, things will start heading in a more positive direction.

Read more!

Full Court Press: On the Move

(Week 3 Power Rankings)


Colorado's best player is on the move again, as they kicked off the trade season with their yearly swap of the team's star to South Carolina. Could more trades be far behind?


It took almost a month longer than last year, but Colorado and South Carolina got the trade ball rolling again this year, with Colorado sending all-star forward Carmelo Anthony across the country in order to add some much needed rebounding to their struggling front line. This follows last year’s blockbuster deal which sent Colorado all-star Dwight Howard (and Jameer Nelson) from ski-country to beach bumville, for a trio of players. Word has it that South Carolina GM Horace Grant is already preparing an offer for Chauncey Billups for next year.

With Elton Brand struggling and Andris Biedrins realizing he just isn’t very good, Colorado’s front line has been downright embarrassing to start the season, with the Bears finishing in the bottom 2 of each traditionally big-man dominated category. Never one to stand pat, Bears GM Mike Comtois sent Anthony and first round draft pick (and fellow disappointing big-man) Rasheed Wallace to South Carolina for double-double machine (and noted headcase) Zach Randolph and the versatile and explosive Josh Smith, in hopes of jump-starting the front-line.

South Carolina, meanwhile, had all the rebounds, blocks, and FG% they could ever need after stealing Dwight Howard from Colorado a year earlier. Lacking in 3 pointers and FT%, however, this trade is a coup for the ballclub, giving them a huge boost in FT%, and creating addition by subtraction in the category by unloading Smith (shooting only 57% on the year from the charity stripe, which was somehow worse than noted bricklayer Dwight Howard, and worst on the team), and also giving them a much-needed boost in 3s, steals, and points.

This may be the rare trade that works out well for both teams, as both squads are filling a dire need. Is it the start of a rainstorm or just an errant drop of water from the sky? Let’s take a look at some of the players most likely to be traded in the coming weeks.

Baron Davis, PG, Peoria – Peoria GM Dave Grubb has made no secret of his desire to unload the aging and injury-prone point guard. Currently having a bit of a bounce-back season following last year’s debacle, Davis is still a huge lag on FG% and TOs. Could his upside in points, assists, 3pts., and steals be enough to convince an owner to kick-start the Peoria rebuilding process?

Likelihood to be Traded: 100%

Best Fit: Weymouth. Although the Dumpsta Divers are doing well in points, they could really use the boost in assists and steals. Furthermore, they have the shooters to survive the inevitable drop in FG% that Davis would bring. Would burgeoning power forward Jason Thompson get the job done? Or would it take the equally injury-prone Andrew Bynum to make it happen?

Steve Nash, PG, Rakeville – Although Rakeville maintains that Nash will not be moved this season, the team is going absolutely nowhere this year, and Nash isn’t getting any younger. Rakeville has a great young nucleus of players in Eric Gordon, Brook Lopez, Devin Harris, Kevin Love, et al., but moving Nash for some additional pieces this year could put them over the top in the future.

Likelihood to be Traded: 65%

Best Fit: Tokyo. The Vegans have the need (deficiencies in FG% & assists), the young players to get it done, and a willingness to move these players. The only thing lacking is a desire on the part of Rakeville. The farther they sink into the standings, you have wonder how much longer that will last?

LaMarcus Aldridge/Al Jefferson/Amare Stoudemire, PF/C , Tokyo – The Vegans are looking for an upgrade at point guard to aid incumbent Jose Calderon, and they’re willing to move a young big to get it. One of these players will be traded at some point this season—the question is, which one will it be, and for whom?

Likelihood to be Traded: Aldridge – 75%; Stoudemire – 50%; Jefferson – 25%

Best Fit: Dublin. The young Brawlers are building up an impressive young core. Could some combination of Jameer Nelson and/or Kevin Martin entice Tokyo?

Jason Kidd, PG, TIJ – Yet another aging point guard on a team that has struggled this year. Tijuana shopped Kidd around in the preseason, but couldn’t make it work. Of course, Tijuana expected to be a title contender again this year. If they continue to do poorly , would that light a fire under Tijuana GM Saul Smith?

Likelihood to be Traded: 50%

Best Fit: Fitchburg. The Foo Fighters desperately need a boost in FT% and Kidd hasn’t bricked a free shot all season. Add in his 3 pointers, scoring, and solid rebounding from the PG spot, and if Fitchburg is willing to go for it this year, he could be exactly what they need. Can they afford to lose Joakim Noah or Carlos Boozer for the upgrade?

__________________________________________________________
Power Rankings:
1. Las Vegas (+2) – Dominant win over a pretty good South Carolina squad shows they’re legit.
2. Tokyo (-1) – A win over Rakeville is nothing to crow about. Get it? Crow? Ah, fuck you.
3. Weymouth (-2) – Narrow win over Colorado keeps the momentum going, but are they still the top team?
4. Montreal (+1) – It’s rarely pretty, but they just keep on winning.
5. Fitchburg (+1) – Still chugging along. Every game ends 5-4 one way or another. Sign of a balanced team, or a mediocre one?
6. South Carolina (-2) – Embarrassing loss to Vegas drops them a couple spots, but still a dangerous team.
7. Colorado (-) – Another week, another 5-4 loss. Will trade improve their prospects?
8. Dublin (+1) – Two words on Brandon Jennings – Look. Out. This team will be a beast next year.
9. Bridgewater (+1) – The hangover continues. A tie to a rancid Peoria team is unacceptable to fans.
10. Tijuana (-2) – Loss in rematch of last year’s championship game exposes more holes. Something’s gotta give.
11. Peoria (-) – Where there’s smoke there’s fire?
12. Rakeville (-) – Get Rashard Lewis back this week from his steroid suspension. Can a 6-3 loss be far behind? The fans can only hope. Almost anything would be an improvement.
__________________________________________________________
League Notes:
-After acquiring Carmelo Anthony from Colorado last week, South Carolina GM Horace Grant sat in his office twirling a long fancy mustache that he had grown just for the occasion.

-Rookie sensation Brandon Jennings got in some hot water in his home city, after he followed up a 55 point performance on Saturday with pints at a local watering hole located in the Dublin locker room, followed by some traditional Irish midget tossing. However, it turned out the midget was actually former NBA point guard Earl Boykins, who had been in the arena for a Dublin tryout earlier that day, and he was none-too pleased. After plying him with some lucky charms*, however, Boykins declined to press charges.

-Rakeville star Eric Gordon missed all of week 2 with a groin pull. No word yet on if the injury was incurred while wrestling teammate Brook Lopez in the shower. Brook Lopez is gay.

*The lucky charms were money.

Read more!

Full Court Press - Bombs Away! (Week 2 Power Rankings)

After a blowout win over hapless Peoria, Tokyo is making their move up the EHBA power rankings, led by 2nd round draft pick & 3 point specialist Danilo Gallinari.

The EHBA draft can be a fickle thing. With all the rookies and over-the-hill veterans, it can be tough to spot the diamonds in the rough. How to separate the wheat from the chaff, the gold nuggets from the shiny rocks? The answer to that question is a mystery wrapped in a puzzle, hidden under Michael Jordan’s bed, which is guarded by a two-headed dragon who will ask you 3 riddles in order to gain access to the mystery/puzzle hybrid. The first riddle will be: “Two legs I have, and this will confound: only at rest do they touch the ground! What am I?” If you can correctly answer that…well, we’re probably getting ahead of ourselves. The point is, it’s really difficult to predict which players will end up superstars, and which will end up disappointments. That’s why the EHBA GMs get paid the big bucks.

With that said, two weeks is more than enough time to determine the winners and losers of this year’s draft.

Winners:

Colorado – Blake Griffin at number one overall was a no-brainer. Trading him before his inevitable injury was an even bigger no-brainer, and Colorado GM Mike Comtois got a nice bounty for his walking disaster in the process. It was a safe draft for the Bears, taking proven veterans to round out the roster in John Salmons, Manu Ginobli, and Rasheed Wallace among others, but it was the right move for a team that’s trying to establish itself after a lost year.

Tokyo – Tokyo may be the biggest winner in the draft. They hit a couple of homeruns by taking Chris Kaman and Danilo Gallinari with their first two choices. Both have played huge roles in Tokyo’s hot start, as they are near the top of the league in points, 3ptm, rebounds, and FT% thanks to their new acquisitions. Just a case of the rich getting richer, as last year’s #2 seed in the playoffs is only a game back of first place to start this year.

Dublin – Dublin went youth all the way in their draft, but scored perhaps the biggest steal of the night in 2nd round pick Brandon Jennings, who is already emerging as a rookie of the year candidate. Combined with Stephen Curry falling into their laps at pick 3, and Dublin’s set themselves up for a bright future with this draft.

Losers:

Peoria – Josh Howard at the 2nd overall pick was a huge blunder, as he has yet to contribute to the club. Coupled with the fact that he is losing minutes to Shawn Marion and the emergence of players such as Curry, Jennings, Kaman, and Gallinari, all of whom were taken later, it’s already clear only 2 weeks into the season, that Peoria made the wrong choice. You’d hope that the rest of their draft could make up for it, and while Jonny Flynn was a shrewd pick in the 2nd round, later picks James Harden and Brad Miller have already been cut. As a team that’s going nowhere this season, they needed something more than this to build on.

Fitchburg – Although Fitchburg did pick up some useful players in the draft (Joakim Noah, Richard Hamilton, Corey Maggette), Allen Iverson was a disaster waiting to happen. He’s reportedly walked out of Fitchburg because he was not a first round pick, and now there is talk that he might retire completely. With the mercurial star’s history, it can’t be a major surprise. Fitchburg should have known better. Further demerits for taking known psychopath Ron Artest over breakout star Chris Kaman.

Tijuana – After trading their first 3 picks in the draft, Tijuana was left with only Rakeville’s 3rd round pick from the Troy Murphy deal, and their later picks, which were used on Ramon Sessions (cut), Ronnie Brewer, Al Thornton (cut), and Joel Pryzbilla (cut). Given the Matadors’ slow start, they could’ve used something more useful.

_____________________________________________________________

Power Rankings:
1. Weymouth (-) – Another big win keeps the momentum going.
2. Tokyo (+3) – New Vegans playing a big role.
3. Las Vegas (-1) – Blowout win backed up by the stats.
4. South Carolina (+3) – Will go as far as Dwight Howard takes them.
5. Montreal (-2) – Another close win over a quality opponent.
6. Fitchburg (-) – Can Rondo keep it up?
7. Colorado (-3) – Loss to Tijuana shows team’s limitations.
8. Tijuana ( +1) – Narrow victory sign of things to come?
9. Dublin (-1) – Blowout loss to LV shows young Brawlers not quite ready for prime time.
10. Bridgewater (-) – When will we see signs of life?
11. Peoria (-) – Only question is when to start the fire sale?
12. Rakeville (-) – Good news: excel in turnovers. Bad news: Because they have few playmakers.

______________________________________________
League Notes:

-Tokyo GM Inkidu Ishtar is getting impatient with the league’s other owners. “Why won’t they realize they all suck and just trade me their good players already!?” he was heard screaming in a men’s restroom at a Holliday Inn Express in New Jersey.

-After leaving Foo Fighter training camp, troubled Fitchburg PG Allen Iverson reportedly was seen hiding in a closet with R. Kelly and Tom Cruise in Colorado, refusing to come out until the franchise was “nicer to me.”

- After making 26 moves in the season’s first 2 weeks, Las Vegas GM Charles Barkley was heard laughing maniacally in his office “yes, yes, cut them all, hahahahahaha…dance for me puppets! Dance!” No word on what any of it means.

Read more!

Full Court Press Magazine: Week 1 Power Rankings

--MY TEAM SUCKS!



One week into the new season and one thing is certain: Rakeville sucks. Everything else is up for grabs.

Up is down, left is right, black is white, white is red—yes, things are that messed up in the EHBA. Three of last year’s playoff teams suffered losses to open the season, including defending champions Tijuana, who were destroyed by a resurgent Weymouth squad led by LeBron James. But how much can we read into one week? A lot. A team by team contender/pretender review and preview of the 2009-2010 EHBA season begins…


now!

1. Dublin Bar Brawlers – The rebuilding process is in full swing on the tiny island of Ireland, but you wouldn’t have known it by last week’s beatdown of the Rakeville Crows. Dublin dominated every facet of the game, save Assists, obliterating a team that it’s almost hard to believe was the runner-up less than 2 seasons ago. But dig a little deeper and you’ll see that it’s not so much Dublin being great as a matter of Rakeville being crappy. Leaguewide, Dublin really only excelled in percentages, and will find the growing pains the rest of the way to be a little more noticeable. They have a great young nucleus, with outstanding rookies Blake Griffin, Brandon Jennings, and Stephen Curry, but they have a long way to go before they can expect to compete with the powers of the rest of the league. PRETENDER

2. South Carolina Rebels – Much like the Micks across the pond, South Carolina’s win looked better in person than it did on paper. Having their way with a hapless Peoria squad may make it seem like the season will be all sunshine and lollipops, but a closer look at the stats show a team too reliant on one player. Dwight Howard had his way with the Yao-less Bricklayers, but his always outstanding FG%, Blocks, and Boards are mitigated by his always atrocious FT% and TOs. It might not have been enough to sink them against an abysmal Peoria team, but it’ll take more than Dwight Howard to hang with the rest of the league. PRETENDER

3. Weymouth Dumpsta Divers – An opening week thrashing of the defending champs speaks volumes about the improvement of this year’s rapidly maturing club from the island of Weymouth. With King James leading the way, Weymouth delivered a message to the rest of the league—Weymouth is ready to play with the big boys. CONTENDER

4. Tokyo Vegans – After a disappointing 4th place finish in the playoffs after dominating the league for most of the regular season, the Vegans were out for a little bit of revenge against the team that beat them in the 3rd place game. While it wasn’t as dominant as they were hoping, a win is a win, and Tokyo cemented that they will once again be a force to be reckoned with. The addition of savvy draft choices of SF Danilo Gallinari and C Chris Kaman to an already strong lineup means that, health permitting, Tokyo could be even better this season—a scary thought for the rest of the league. CONTENDER

5. Fitchburg Foo Fighters – The Foo Fighters delivered a hard-fought Week 1 victory over a surprisingly strong Colorado squad that dominated most areas of the game, but just couldn’t pull out the win. Although you could argue that didn’t deserve to win against the resurgent Bears, they did just enough to pull it out, led by breakout star Rajon Rondo and his mind-boggling 47 assists. The 1-2 punch of Rondo and Wade gives Fitchburg one of the best backcourts in the league, but their lack of reliable low-post threat is a fatal flaw. They could sneak into the playoffs again on the strength of that backcourt, but the team is just not balanced enough to do any damage there. PRETENDER

6. Montreal DeathPiggys – The resilient Piggy squad was able to survive a surprisingly closely-contested week one battle with resurgent Las Vegas even without arguably their best player in Pau Gasol, who was out all week with a hamstring injury, but folks in Canada are still wringing their hooves over whether or not this year’s squad has what it takes to make it 3 straight Championship appearances. The Piggys boast a remarkably balanced but unspectacular attack, led by the versatile Brandon Roy. It’s tough to say how strong this year’s club will be until we see them at full strength, but at this point, it’s impossible to count them out. CONTENDER

7. Colorado Bears – The Golden Bears have perpetually been one of the league’s biggest disappointments. Year in and year out they’ve come into each season full of hope and bluster, and exited ignominiously in a haze of band-aids and sutures. The fact of the matter is, no one has ever had a good hold on exactly what sort of team Colorado has because they’ve never been healthy enough for us to find out. Could this finally be the year? Star PG Gilbert Arenas is healthy at last (knock on wood) and SF Carmelo Anthony is playing like a guy who just realized that he was somehow taken ahead of Dwyane Wade in the 2003 draft. The additions of Chauncey Billups and Rudy Gay add some much needed depth, but a serious deficiency in the big-man categories loom large over the Bears. Their guard play is the best in the league, but they may be fatally short on FG%, Blocks, Rebounds, and Turnovers. I’m tempted to give in to the siren song of alluring guard play, but at the end of the day, you need some height. PRETENDER

8. Bridgewater Phenoms – After a very strong finish last season, Bridgewater looked like a team poised to elevate itself to the elite of the EHBA. That said, windows to win are small in basketball, and you need to take advantage of them when you can. Last season’s semi-final matchup with Tijuana in the playoffs was a de-facto championship game, as both squads looked far superior to either banged-up clubs from Tokyo or Montreal. Although the game went literally to the wire, in the end Tijuana prevailed and the rest is championship history. A year later, and suddenly Bridgewater looks like a much different club. With Kobe Bryant getting older, Vince Carter getting more brittle and whiny by the day, Andre Miller suddenly terrible, and a suspect post-presence, Bridgewater needs to capitalize now or risk falling behind the rest of the league. For now, though, they’re still in this thing. CONTENDER

9. Las Vegas Lizards – With Chris Paul and Danny Granger, this team always has a chance. They’ll score points in bunches and knock down threes with reckless abandon, and their post game is surprisingly strong with the addition of Marcus Camby and continued maturation of Al Horford. Don’t let the opening week loss fool you—in many ways, Las Vegas played better than Montreal. They could surprise a lot of teams this year. CONTENDER

10. Peoria Bricklayers – Simply put, this is not a good team. They weren’t a good team last year, and the biggest change they’ve had since then was losing Yao Ming for the season to injury. Mismanagement in the front office has badly hurt the club, from trading superstar Jason Kidd for Stephen Jackson, only to ship him out months later for a 2nd rd. pick, to drafting injured journeyman Josh Howard 2nd overall in this year’s draft. Peoria is a club in disarray and things don’t look particularly bright for the future. PRETENDER

11. Tijuana Matadors – The defending champs had a rough week, running into a brick wall in Weymouth. But don’t let the fact that Weymouth would’ve beat just about any team in the league last week fool you—Tijuana played poorly. Their guard play was not up to par, and their big men just weren’t scoring the points they needed. New PG Ramon Sessions has been a major disappointment, and the breakout many were expecting from Tyrus Thomas definitely did not happen last week. If Jason Kidd and company can right the ship, we’ll look back on this week’s debacle and laugh. If they can’t, maybe we’ll realize that Tijuana rode some role players’ career years-- * cough*troymurphyandnenehilario*cough*-- all the way to a championship. Here’s betting they improve next week. CONTENDER

12. Rakeville Crows – Aside from a handful of players, Rakeville stinks. They don’t have much in the way of depth and management is too lackadaisical to make changes on the fly. They could be in big trouble this year. Look for a poorly handled fire sale at the deadline. PRETENDER

_____________________________________________

Power Rankings (based on roto standings):

1. Weymouth (-)
2. Las Vegas (-)
3. Montreal (-)
4. Colorado(-)
5. Tokyo (-)
6. Fitchburg (-)
7. South Carolina (-)
8. Dublin (-)
9. Tijuana (-)
10. Bridgewater (-)
11. Peoria (-)
12. Rakeville (-)

__________________________________________________

League Notes:

-After trading #1 overall pick Blake Griffin to Dublin last week, Colorado owner Mike Comtois was seen boarding a return flight from Ireland with a crowbar as his carry-on item. Griffin mysteriously went out with a severe knee injury the next day.

-After weeks of haggling, trade talks between Montreal and Weymouth regarding Tim Duncan appeared to die once the season began, reportedly because the Pony Express to the island of Weymouth doesn't deliver during the season, and Weymouth has no phones or computers, per decree of their King, His Majesty Nikolai Bruceus Minimus III.

-Rakeville GM Jack Reed was reportedly ecstatic after picking up Tyler Hansborough, Darko Milicic, and Andrew Bogut in the draft, not because they are good players (they all suck), but because they're all white. Reed is a well-known racist.

Read more!