Rakeville Times: Rivertown's Nightmare

Rakeville guard Rashard Lewis has been tearing up the EHBA, but his supporting cast leaves a lot to be desired. Can "The Bullet" and Steve Nash get this team back on track or are the Crows better off flying for the hills?


Rivertown's Nightmare
By Aviator McShadeless, Rakeville Times

When Rakeville sports mogul Dave Claffey fronted the money for a Basketball team in the city, he thought he would have a world-class product. Instead, his team has failed to win a game this season and prospects for a victory in the near future are dwindling. The Crows highest paid player, Steve Nash, is demanding a trade and young superstar Rashard Lewis won’t be far behind. Almost nothing has gone right for the Crows.

Many point to the team’s lack of coaching staff, bare bones front office, and complete lack of a scouting department as the major causes for Rakeville’s ineptitude. Team President Tim Legler has been given the absurd responsibility to manage the roster, run the franchise and act as head coach with only interns from Rakeville University to help him.

“I’ve never been on such a poorly run team,” said Crows point guard Steve Nash, who demanded a trade after the week 3 loss to Tokyo. “I came to the EHBA to win a championship at the highest level, but I don’t think this team will ever win in my playing lifetime. It’s Montreal or bust for me.”

Nash is the senior man on a young, underperforming roster, but with owner Dave Claffey saying he can only sign six players to a long-term deal this offseason, any hope at building a solid young foundation is void.

“Legler is in a horrible position,” said Mike Canels, a WRAK analysis. “How do you tell your veterans to hang on when half of the young talent will be gone in the off season? He can’t trade for anybody, for the same reason. He is between a rock and a hard place.”

On a brighter note, Rakeville’s four big men (Horford, Bogut, Yi and Dalembert) have created a nickname for themselves. They refer to themselves as the “Four Corners.” A delightful twist on a dreadful season.

Read more!